20 Quirky Quotes!

I'm home and bored and playing tumblebugs for the umpteenth time, and I try to make my obviously utter waste of time appear valuable.
At the end of each round a quote pops up.
This time, I decide to put all the quotes together.
They're mostly hilarious (to me), but who knows, I just might learn something worthwhile (or not).

1. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having the good sense to be lazy.
2. A 3 year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
3. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5. If you want your spouse to pay attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
6. Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
7. Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
8. Everything your mother warned you about is true.
9. Diplomacy is the art of saying "good doggie" while looking for a bigger stick.
10. Don't worry about what people think. They don't do it very often.
11. The glass is either half full, half empty or twice as big as it needs to be.
12. A bit of hard work never killed anyone but why risk it?
13. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
14. Money will not buy you happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
15. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
16. A photographic memory is no use if it's never developed.
17. If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
18. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
19. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Did I learn something or classic case of "too much time on my hands"?